I don’t want to work.  This has nothing to do with the job or the people or the place.  I have just become a person who would rather be at home being a home maker and taking care of homey like business, including raising our daughter.  I am also the kind of person that likes the buy things, have nice things, give nice things, likes having health insurance for me and our daughter, the thought of a new home in a few years, saving for retirement, etc.  So even if I didn’t work, I would still work to bring in an income.  It doesn’t mean that I like it though.

Today I tried to fit a million things into one day.  The whole time hoping that the rain would turn into sleet and freeze the overpasses between here and work so that I would be at home for tomorrow as well.  It doesn’t look like that is going to happen.  Oh well.   Today we took down Christmas, watched my dear daughter clap away and crawl all over creation, made baby food, watched Cuddlefrog learn how to drink from a straw and had a glass of wine before 5pm.

It’s been a busy day…..and we aren’t done yet.  Dinner is going on as I speak, bath time soon to follow.  And then….maybe….I will sit down.  But probably not.  There is a first birthday party to plan!

Yesterday it was 70+ degrees outside. Today it is WINDY and in the 40s with mist here and there.  Today is also Christmas Eve.  The Mister is at work.  I am getting things ready around here so that we can travel to see my parents this evening.  The one reason we had to leave the house this morning was to pick up the ham that my mother had ordered.  She was in a panic that the turkey wouldn’t thaw in time so she called in for a back up ham.

Cuddlefrog and I put on warm clothes and set off.  Really, she was dressed like a warm fleece blanket complete with Santa hat and red suede boots because I am that mother.  I accept it.  You should too.

When we arrived at the store it was packed.  And I mean a line outside, down, and around the back side of the strip center.  I had no idea.  So we stood in line for about 20 minutes before another young mother offered me a sweatshirt for Cuddlefrog and minutes later we had another surprise.

The very tall, very serious, somewhat scary man two people behind us in a baseball hat, aviator sunglasses and leather coat said, “Ma’am.  This is no place for that baby to be.  Why don’t you go wait in your car and come back in about 30 minutes and look for me.  I will let you back in line.”  I tearfully accepted and walked me and my sweet daughter back to my car apologizing the whole way to my little girl for not being prepared and thanking the man.

When I arrived back in line he extended his hand and directed me right back to where I had been and smiled.  I thanked him, wished him a Very Merry Christmas and Cuddlefrog flashed him a smile.  I do believe that made his day.

So to the strong silent type of a man outside the ham place.  Bless you and your family.  To the woman behind me who played with my sweet girl and made her laugh….all my best wishes.  To the young mother potty training her son that was in line with her and who offered up his extra sweatshirt…..I hope you have a warm and cozy Holiday.

Merry Christmas to all.  Remember that it doesn’t cost you anything to do something nice for someone.  Sadly it is usually unexpected and usually very appreciated.

And a Very Happy New Year!

This is a special Christmas. It is the first Christmas for our family since we added Cuddlefrog. What we did before her I have no idea.
Each day has brought a new package on our door step, a new email in our inboxes, a new card in our mailbox. All from people wishing her a wonderful first Christmas. All from people who love us, and therefore love her.

This past Sunday The Mister took Cuddlefrog on a shopping trip. He dressed her and put her Santa hat on her head and then they treked out to complete their Christmas shopping. Where was mom? I was at home doing whatever I wanted. It was wonderful. And the fact that this is a tradition that will continue in the years to come makes me smile even more. I am a sucker for traditions. I am a sucker for Christmas.

While on their shopping trip I took the opportunity to take a long, hot shower without the monitor on the shelf outside, or one ear opened for a crying baby. Just me, water, grapefruit scented shampoo and a loofah. It was blissful. I lathered, rinsed, and repeated, and contemplated…

We are so very lucky. We have friends and family that love us, love our child, and would do anything for us and we would do anything for as well. We both have jobs that allow us to provide for our family. Would I like to stay at home? Sure. Spending my day with my daughter and any subsequent child would make my day. (this surprises me as much as anyone) Our basic necessities are met. Our daughter is healthy and happy and crawling and beginning to pull up and has 8 teeth and is a charmer. Our family is fantastic. Well, most of them….most of the time….we don’t hate them.
There are so many things that we take for granted the other 11 months out of the year. Christmas is always the time that I seem to stop and appreciate the people in our lives, and the blessings that we have. Why this doesn’t happen as often during the rest of the year I don’t know. It should.

Along with all the above mentioned….I have the best husband that ever walked. I couldn’t ask for better. From the moment I met him, 9+ years ago and called my girlfriend and said, “I just met the man I am going to marry,” until now I couldn’t be happier. He loves us, provides for us, makes both us laugh, and calls us “his ladies”. He is sweet, gentle, and perfect. Have you ever heard him laugh. His really big full bodied laughs? They are infectious. With him, and our sweet daughter, anything is possible. No matter what life may bring.

This is an exceedingly sappy post, but this is what happens during the holidays. The new year will bring changes, some known, some unknown. Try and remember what you are thankful for year round. I will do the same.

Until then….Happy First Christmas to my sweet baby girl and to all you and yours.

There are few things that irritate me first thing in the morning. With that said, here is one that really gets me going, and shouldn’t.
If you walked in from the parking lot to get to work this morning you are capable of doing some physical movement. For those of you that do not know. The walk from the parking lot, through the walkway, into the building isn’t a short jaunt. So, if you can accomplish that feat early in the morning then take the extra challenge and take the stairs.

I say this not to the individual who works on the 6th floor, or the 5th floor, or even the 3rd floor. Nor am I directing this to those individuals with health issues. I am pointing my judgemental finger at you, the slightly (sometimes more than slightly) overweight individual who works on the 2nd floor but insists on taking the elevator. Do yourself a favor. And this also applies for individuals that have a meeting up or down a floor. Take the stairs.

Do I take the stairs? Not every day, but I also work on the 5th floor. If I have meetings up or down I do take the stairs. Takes less time usually than waiting on one of the elevators. But I think I shall continue to put my money where my mouth is and take the stairs more mornings than not.

And I love it when these people get in the elevator, to arrive on the 2nd floor, and exclaim, “This elevator sure is slow.”

As of lunchtime I have officially electronically signed my letter of agreement to begin a teaching certification program. That’s right. Yours truly is going to be a teaching. Special Education and hopefully administration eventually.

This change does not come without a severe layer of doubt, fear, and many multi-winged butterflies. Teaching never entered my realm of consciousness. Why in the world would I want to be in a classroom with 2 dozen or more snotty noses? Or worse. 2 dozen or more teenage angst and attitude? Why oh why oh why????

The answer is I have a daughter. Plain and simple. I have a daughter that I want to spend more time with. A sweet little girl that deserves to have me there to drive her around in the summers and to all her after school activities. That daughter and any subsequent children.

Will I love it? Who knows. Am I excited about the prospect of learning a new career with never ending possibilities? You better believe it.
So allow me to introduce myself. I am me….student, mother, daughter, wife, friend, social worker, and soon to add teacher to my list. Wish me luck!

Today, I remember Scarlette. It may seem a little ridiculous to some that I still tear up sometimes when I think of my little Monkey. But I do. Like now.
I remember leaving for work that day knowing that I would be returning home shortly to take Scarlette to the vet to be put to sleep. The Mister stayed home with her. He called me shortly after I arrived and told me that I needed to come home because she wasn’t doing well at all.
I didn’t make it home before she fell asleep in his lap and didn’t wake up.
After all the years of comfort that eh gave me I wasn’t there with her. I have some guilt around that. Although I am so happy that The Mister was there for her. He is a sweet man and I know comforted her, and am sure hated to think about what he would say to me once I arrived.

I miss her. Still. Now that I am back to my winter clothes I find her white hair on everything. She is still here, a bit. 16 years. What a long time. And not nearly long enough.
Certainly don’t want to be the crazy cat lady, but she was a part of our family. We never called her our kid or anything, but she was a major personality in our home.
Miss you Monkey. Hope you are eating tuna juice somewhere and playing with all the pets that have followed you and preceded you. Oh! And chasing Salty around still letting him know who is boss.

Politics?  Nah.  I am a financial conservative and for the most part socially liberal.  Except I don’t want to take care of those that aren’t attempting to take care of themselves.  Don’t talk to me as if you are entitled.  We all have to work to make money.  Unless you are independently wealthy….and I know a handful of them….but they still work.  That’s it in a nutshell.  Not much to warrant a whole ranting post.  I don’t really feel like ranting today anyway.  I’m happy remember?  But happy is boring.

I had intended to list a few items about myself; such as political views, irritants, and possible misconceptions.  I deleted my list because it doesn’t matter.  I just don’t have the desire to share all of my feelings/thoughts/beliefs with everyone anymore.  Privacy, like silence, is golden.  If you are really curious about my thoughts on something, you can ask.  You might be surprised that I don’t agree with all of you.  But that is alright.  Differences make us interesting.  Respect and appreciation of those differences is what makes us grow. Personal is personal and although I Facebook and blog and Twitter occasionally, I still like to keep a little privacy and anonymity.  Thank you very much.

Instead….

My daughter smiles in her sleep, like most infants do.  It is when they smile first.  It is when their smile is the sweetest and most innocent.  When holding this dear sweet child, and she smiles up at me, but not really at me because her eyes are closed and she doesn’t know I am looking at her, I melt.

Then I wonder.  Do we still smile in our sleep?  If not, when do we lose that innocence?  That pure blissful sleep where we aren’t troubled and all we can do it smile with our dreams?

Is she smiling because she knows I am there holding her and lightly kissing the top of her head, or is it because she is dreaming of her Daddy, or of the nice bowl of cereal that is in her future?  Or maybe the thought of her footed pajamas is turning up the corners of her mouth.  Regardless, she smiles, and I am reduced to a puddle.

With our daughter came a renewed sense to be the best person that I know how to be.  For her.  For me.  For us.  No regrets going forward.  No remorse about what is past because it is just that….past.  Dwelling on things allows them to consume you, and I only want to be consumed with love for my family.  Joy in them and our accomplishments.  I want to laugh with her.  Cry with her.  And probably inwardly grin while she cries (just as my momma did with me) because she will be adorable always.  Our little piece of the world will be as open, welcoming, accepting, and joyous as we can make it, with as little stress and hurt as possible.  Then maybe she will always be able to smile in her sleep.

It is one of the best things I can imagine to see The Mister playing with our daughter.  Watching her smile and laugh while he holds her and makes funny faces is just about more than I can take.  I would like to have a profound post about this, but that is kind of it.

They are the two loves of my life and watching them together is perfection personified.

Living where I do means that there are lots of runners, bicyclists, power walkers, joggers, dog walkers, and in general people that like to get out in the world and sweat.  Well that has never been me.  I enjoy being outside, just prefer it to be with a lake full or water and a glass of wine.  Or a nice street festival and a glass of wine.  Or even better….a nice outside concert with a glass of wine.

Are you seeing a pattern here?  I don’t like to sweat…..with a glass of wine.

Ever since giving birth to our daughter my need to be in shape has grown.  I started by quitting smoking when I found out I was pregnant.  I am not proud of my smoking, but I did it, it is over, and there you go.  My drinking life hasn’t picked back up and I am trying to not let myself fall back into the rut of coming home from work and having a glass of wine.  It should be an indulgence, not an every day occurence.

Next is working out.  This is hard, but has been done sporadically.  To ensure that it is done means that I drag my sorry ass out of bed at 4am to work out, shower, get ready, get the little one ready, pack a lunch and leave.  It’s nuts, but means that I have my evenings to hang out with me and my family.  Did you read the sporadic part?  4am is damn early!  But it is a committment.  If I intend to be a mommy of 2 at some point I need to be in better shape.

The other part is that after pregnancy my blood pressure, which never bothered me before, hasn’t ever really regulated.  Losing weight and being active will help that too.  The main reason…..I want to look back at our daughter’s childhood and see myself in the pictures.  As it is now, I hate being in the pictures because I am ashamed of how bad I look.  There are pictures from not too long ago, and I am HOT!  Now….shlubby and medium cool at best.  Unacceptable.

Now I am cutting out sodas.  Not coffee, but soda.  Not caffiene, but soda.  Not wine, but soda.

Wish me luck.  Diet Dr. Pepper is my strongest weakness.